Take the photo album down from the shelf, or pull the family videos out of the cabinet and more than likely the pictures or scenes that you’ll see are ones of family gatherings.  Many will be from previous Thanksgiving’s or Christmas’ as families scattered over the years and miles have come back together to spend time with one another.  The holidays are especially hard for those who grieve as they once again assemble the puzzle called family; only this time there is a missing piece and the picture is incomplete.  There is an empty chair at the end of the Thanksgiving table where Dad use to sit.  There is a stocking left to hang with no child to claim it.  Try as hard as you might in rearranging the chairs or redecorating, everyone knows it just isn’t the same.  The pause of the holidays allow our minds to be enveloped by all of the emotions that are held in check by the daily grind.

Our grief journey is very hard and very long and yes, God walks beside us. but many times, it is the people who come along side us for even short periods of the walk that have encouraged us back into the mainstream of life.  May I share some of the traits of the best companions?

• Only God has the answer to the reason why.  Sometimes He will reveal it to us while we are here on earth and sometimes we have to wait until we reach Heaven.  We don’t expect you to have the answers (even when we cry out the question) or to put things back the way they were.  Just be a shoulder to cry on and don’t be repulsed by our pain.

• Don’t be afraid of reminding us about our loved one.  Believe me when I say, we are already thinking about them.  We fear that their lives and face will be forgotten.  Your stories about them bring joy and laughter and your acknowledgement of their existence is more important to us than you will ever know.

• During the first few weeks, we want to scream to the world to stop and take notice.  But there comes a time when we want to get back to a routine.  Sometimes we are pushed back to the rhythm of life by obligations such as work.  Sometimes it takes a great deal of time to re-establish the daily patterns.  It is OK to ask about our emotional health if you don’t use the cultural cliches that require the obligatory answer “Fine” while inside our hearts are bleeding.  Just don’t make it the first subject of conversation or a part of every encounter.  We crave to get back to a new normal.

So include your stories in the Christmas cards, tales that we will put into the unclaimed stocking.  We’ll cry and laugh all at the same time and we’ll heal just as there is healing out of the pain of surgery.  Fill the void left by the missing family member and go shopping with us.  And eat with us.  The chaos of a household of people is preferred to the empty chair filled with only our evaporated dreams.   Yes, we may still cry.  Never be embarrassed by our tears.  No, things will not be whole until all of the links of the family chain are reassembled on the other side of death but the ministry of your companionship along life’s journey helps us to better see God’s grace and the tapestry that He weaves in our lives.